I have my list. In fact, I have a list just for this week! Blogging was one thing on it so after this I can check my first thing off. BUT! Mmmm, where do I start..I'm feeling lost...I have spent so long as a full time mum I'm scared of the thought of having this time to catch up.. I know, I know you only have to look back at the posts of how hard I was finding it when they were little to remind me that I was waiting to this time. BUT...I still feel empty. I want so much to have a tidy house and to run more and to Phoenix more but today......it's just not there...I'm looking at my hideous desk and can't actually work out where to start, I look in my kitchen and see the mess but can't work out where to put everything. I look at my catalogues and know I have to dress them and price up all my gorgeous Christmas stock ready for my Open house next week but just can't bring myself to do it.....Why??? My heart starts beating faster than normal, I feel guilty for feeling like this but I feel at such a loss!!! I NEVER thought this would be how I would feel...not in a million years...I've been to laid back about them starting, I got them all second hand uniform, pe bags that don't match,. drinks bottles that leak...maybe I was subconsciously not letting myself do it properly like all the other mums!!!
So, unsettled it is...however well my children are settling in, I will go with UNsettled for me!! I long for my children to enjoy school and learn so much about themselves and the world...it is their oyster after all. I will be there to pick them up when they come out, there to kiss them and cuddle them because they miss me and there to feed them, bathe them and snuggle them into bed but I need to find me in all of this..I am no longer a mum with children at home, I am free with restrictions from 9am till 250pm!!
Answers to all this jumble on the back of a postcard please!!!!
5 comments:
try not to put so much pressure on yourself.. you're going through a big change and I think it's normal to lose a sense of identity when the kids go fulltime to school.. you'll find yourself again. Also, who cares if they have second hand uniform, or bottles that leak? that doesn't mean you're not doing it properly. We all put on a front and pretend we're coping and some mums try to be the 'perfect mum' (even though behind closed doors they're not) making the rest of us feel inadequate. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job to me. Your kids are lucky to have the kisses, cuddles, snuggles and love you provide. Give yourself a break and come for a run!!! big hugs Sarah x
Relax you Ninny! Didn't anyone warn you this would be a weird transition for you?
I never experienced what you are feeling when mine went off to school - that was pure relief and joy - but now they have all left home - ah - now it hits me. I too cannot settle to anything and am 'all over the place' - just like you. And this is Tori's second year too!
I blamed the menopause, but you haven't got that little luxury (!) so go for a run. Enjoy the feeling of freedom. Plan your day and you diary - come and see me!
My life lacks routine - that is very hard. You have a rigid structure to hang your commitments and lunch dates on. Luck you is all I can say.
LOVE the leaky drinks bottles! As far as I know that's the only kind you can get anyway so don't waste time feeling guilty about that one.
Lots of love
Jo
I haven't even purchased all of my girls school supplies yet. All of their stuff is without labeling, I bought water bottles they can't easily open and close, they're using purses instead of mesh gym bags the school requires, I bought the wrong printing journals and haven't gone back to the supply store to replace the 10 they each need. Just to name a few.
I think we're going through this new thing together. For the past two weeks I've pretty much done nothing and the guilt kills me. If it weren't for planning that 6th birthday I would have no excuse.
As for all of the stuff you have to do:
Get a journal. Write a list of three things you want to accomplish when you wake up in the morning based on how you feel then. Not based on what you THINK you should be doing. Just three things. They can be easy, medium, difficult or three small, easy things. If you wake up having a lot of energy, list three big things. Just write what you believe you can do when you wake up.
Be sure to cross of all three things by the end of the day. This gives you a sense of accomplishment knowing you've done stuff. It's what I do and it helps get you motivated in tough mental spots.
Hugs my friend xoxox
Okay, pull up your boot straps. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You miss your kids and their companionship. But, now you have time to get on with your life as the Mom to three charming young people who are developing their own lives. Enjoy the time with them at home, but also enjoy "Your" time. Workout,run, go to lunch, be successful with Phoenix and be happy! I know you can do it. Mom Weiser
Oh I remember the feeling so well but it won't last. You will soon learn to be your own person again and before you know it, there won't be enough time in the day before you have to pick up your beautiful children. You will find they will enjoy you being your own person as well.
God bless you darling.
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